New Beginnings, New Starts, New Toenail

Today all around the area, school doors opened to a brand new year.  Cameras clicked, teachers smiled, children posed, and parents cried (or laughed depending on how the summer went).  For many students and teachers it was a beginning of many years in education and for others, it may bring about the last lap in this school race.

It was a new beginning for me as well but a different one than the last 37 years.  Today was my first day of the first year of retirement.  For the first time in a long time, I did not answer to the ring of the bell or the hands on the clock so...I knew I needed a decoy.

The decoy was an exercise class at a nearby newly-opened studio.  I had attended this type of class with my daughter so I knew it was a challenge but also knew the accomplishment would fuel my self esteem.  Even though I was the oldest person in the class and probably the most out of shape, I hung with most of the others when suddenly I became extremely distracted-- I noticed my toenail was coming off!

Toenails don't normally just come off but I had been expecting this to happen.  About three weeks ago while helping my granddaughter push her paddle board back into the ocean, a huge wave pushed the paddle board back over my big toenail and pulled it off.  Thanks to the work of my son-in-law who is an emergency doctor, my toenail was sewn back on but he did assure me it would come off when the new toenail began to grow back.  I just had no idea it would happen in the middle of an exercise class.

As the instructor had everyone stand around the wall and hold on to the bar to do some stretches, I looked down and somehow the toenail had completely come off.  I quickly scanned where I had been standing and suddenly I spied the pink, polished loose toenail lying in the middle of the room.  As everyone was distracted by the panting and sweating I quickly scooped it up and headed to the bathroom.  Of course I didn't want anyone to see a toenail lying in the trash can so I had to wrap it very tightly with toilet paper and head back to class with a naked toe.

After class when no one was the wiser, I carefully viewed the toe and noticed indeed a new toenail had pushed the old one out of place.

Now how does a toenail compare with the first day of retirement?  This new phase of life has affected me physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I have wondered what would I do, where I would go, and how to I find fulfillment.  I had actually dreaded today because it was sort of the last situation I would face in this unchartered territory- the first day of school that did not include me.

But...I have been so pleasantly surprised.  My morning devotion time has been unrushed and uninterrupted.  I had time to pray for friends and former colleagues as they had a first day (all in the comfort of my robe, sitting outside, drinking a cup of coffee).  Finishing my exercise class and shopping at Target while sipping a frappuccino was just a bonus!

Just like the old toenail was pushed out of the way for the new, my old routine has been pushed out of the way to make room for the new!  What a perfect day for that to happen!  I think it's all going to be OK.

Another First Day!

As I walk through the halls this morning on this brand new school year, I observe the students unpacking their supplies and backpacks.  Unsharpened pencils waiting to work, unbroken crayons waiting to create, and blank paper and notebooks ready to be filled - the scene is set and ready for production.

It brings back a memory, a not so good memory of my very first day of school ever - first grade.  (Kindergarten in those ancient years were only for the "privileged" kids!)  It was a horrible day really.  I was the oldest of the children so it was a big deal for me to leave home.  I was totally not ready for it!  I had NEVER been away from my parents even at church and I was not happy about this school idea.  It was a bad setup from the start.  I had to ride the school bus which in itself was a huge fear for a scared little five year old but I was made to sit on the front seat and the bus driver (Mr. Allsup who drove me all 12 years!!) kept his watchful eye on me.  I didn't have my mother at the door taking pictures (no such thing as first day pictures in my day!) but was left to wander the vast playground to find a friendly face.  It was finally time to head inside and while I was excited to buy my school supplies (new school supply smell should be a scent) I was not sure I was ready for what came next.  I don't remember a lot of what the teacher said but I do remember she said "Let's have a race to see who can put their supplies away the fastest!"  As everyone else it seemed rushed to complete the task, my paper sack from the office supply store burst open and every crayon, every pencil, everything fell to the floor.  Of course the students began laughing as hot, lonely tears fell down my cheeks.  I wanted to go home.

I was placed in the blue bird reading group (not the top one) and I struggled with drawing the slanted lines first to the left and then to the right.  I really don't remember holding a pencil before that time but I am sure I did.  I remember thinking I can't do this! what am I doing here anyway?

I don't really remember getting home that day but I know I ran down road from the bus stop to my house.  Everyone was happy to see me and I can't even imagine the relief and joy they saw on my face.  

Somehow I made it through that year and then the rest of elementary, junior high and high school.  Four years of college followed and today I begin my 37th year as an educator.  Another first day!  I just know there are some students here today who feel just like I felt my first day.  Scared, unsure of their abilities, wondering what is happening at home, and ready for the dismissal bell to ring.  I can so relate.  

I want to be on the lookout for those kids  who look like they are scared to death, who don't like school food and not sure if they know if they have a friend.  I am so lucky - I can be that friend.  Did I just hear crayons hit the floor?