As I walk through the halls this morning on this brand
new school year, I observe the students unpacking their supplies and
backpacks. Unsharpened pencils waiting to work, unbroken crayons waiting
to create, and blank paper and notebooks ready to be filled - the scene is set and ready for production.
It brings back a memory, a not so good memory of my very
first day of school ever - first grade. (Kindergarten in those ancient
years were only for the "privileged" kids!) It was a horrible
day really. I was the oldest of the children so it was a big deal for me
to leave home. I was totally not ready for it! I had NEVER been
away from my parents even at church and I was not happy about this school
idea. It was a bad setup from the start. I had to ride the school
bus which in itself was a huge fear for a scared little five year old but I was
made to sit on the front seat and the bus driver (Mr. Allsup who drove me all
12 years!!) kept his watchful eye on me. I didn't have my mother at the
door taking pictures (no such thing as first day pictures in my day!) but was
left to wander the vast playground to find a friendly face. It was
finally time to head inside and while I was excited to buy my school supplies
(new school supply smell should be a scent) I was not sure I was ready for what
came next. I don't remember a lot of what the teacher said but I do
remember she said "Let's have a race to see who can put their supplies
away the fastest!" As everyone else it seemed rushed to complete the
task, my paper sack from the office supply store burst open and every crayon,
every pencil, everything fell to the floor. Of course the students began laughing as hot, lonely tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted to go home.
I was placed in the blue bird reading group (not the top
one) and I struggled with drawing the slanted lines first to the left and then
to the right. I really don't remember holding a pencil before that time
but I am sure I did. I remember thinking I can't do this! what am I doing here anyway?
I don't really remember getting home that day but I know
I ran down road from the bus stop to my house. Everyone was happy to see
me and I can't even imagine the relief and joy they saw on my face.
Somehow I made it through that year and then the rest of
elementary, junior high and high school. Four years of college followed
and today I begin my 37th year as an educator. Another first day! I
just know there are some students here today who feel just like I felt my first
day. Scared, unsure of their abilities, wondering what is happening at
home, and ready for the dismissal bell to ring. I can so relate.
I want to be on the lookout for those kids who look like
they are scared to death, who don't like school food and not sure if they know
if they have a friend. I am so lucky - I can be that friend. Did I
just hear crayons hit the floor?
