It has been stated we make about 35,000 decisions a day. While most are decided without too much thought many take days to determine. With a lot of decisions to make, I found a podcast about making decisions—of course!
The advice today was against pro/con lists when deciding but rather think about these two questions ‘is this life giving or life draining?’ I thought okay I think that will work…but what I realized is what was life giving to me was the same thing that was life draining.
One of my “roles” (mom, daughter, grandmother, teacher are all in that list) that I have written little about is being a pastor’s wife. Bill and I have been married 43 years and he has been in ministry not only that long but was doing youth and music ministry before we were married. Yet for my role -that of a pastor’s wife- it has been a 43 year old career.
Bill announced yesterday his retirement from his 17 year pastorate here at Burkburnett FBC. His role and mine will be changed and we both have thought about that a lot. Hence, my afore mentioned podcast. Decisions that have been made and yet to be made will require thoughtful attention.
As I thought about what is or has been life giving or life draining I truly say (without trying to offend anyone) being a pastor’s wife is both. There have been times that I have been overwhelmed with support and love and concern for family simply by being the pastor’s wife. I know there have been times I have been prayed for simply because of being the pastor’s wife. Life giving. Along with those life giving actions, sometimes running parallel, are life draining situations. Church business meetings, disagreements, and discouragements from the most unlikely places simply drain the life out of you. I have thought I would write a book on the ‘secret life of a pastor’s wife’ knowing the word secret would be intriguing but spoiler alert..it’s not that secret. There are no behind the scene vices or secret life different from the one that is seen from me on Sunday. Not perfection by any means but I try to be who I am wherever I am. There is a loneliness to being a pastor’s wife that only another pastor’s wife can understand. The life giving part is from those friends who look past the pulpit and see needs of friendship and laughs. The life draining part comes from criticism and judgement directed to your husband in such a public way.
No matter what I do I know there is life after being a pastor’s wife and I will use those same questions to help me make decisions about what to do. While my role in church life will change, I will still seek to honor God through that role. There have been tears through decisions made in the last several months. Tears missing the dear relationships we have made in Burkburnett not only through our church but in the community and also some tears of confusion.
While this is a much more melancholy post, I guess it’s where I am. There is an excitement for new things (life giving) and worry (life draining) about what will happen next. This is my verse for July - one that is always timely.
“God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of love, power, and sound judgment.” 2 Timothy 1:7
PS - The podcast I mentioned is “The Next Right Thing” by Emily P. Freeman. She is wise beyond her years!
You will grace and bless any person or situation you are called to. Even as the wife of a former pastor. You both are pretty special.
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